if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
