there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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