This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
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This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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