Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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