She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
