I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
