"it" just moved
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
