R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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