We're like a lot better than the average bears
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
