Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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