Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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