Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Randomize
