Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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