my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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