he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
