Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize