I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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