I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
