at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
