I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
