I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
