k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
