My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
