I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
My life is pants optional.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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