she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
