Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Randomize
