Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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