1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
cat food counts as protein by the way
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
