I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
