Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
