He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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