I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
