I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
