My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
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