hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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