The best revenge is premature balding
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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