I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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