you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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