So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
