Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
