New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Randomize
