Where did you get a picture of my penis
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
