Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
