Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
