dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
