I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
