My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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