Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
