Banned from zoo.
Again?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
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He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
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I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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