it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
lets start a swedish sibling band together
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
