so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
