you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
