Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
