He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
