Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
