drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
he thought i was a dude.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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