am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
