ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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