Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
