when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
