Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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