If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
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Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
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I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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