Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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