I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
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All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
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Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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