she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
