TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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