it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
