So drunk, too bad you don't want this
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
