this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
