all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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