did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
