just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
