hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
