Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Randomize