bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
then he tried to convert me to islam
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
