I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
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